Building Community by Building Family

By Fran Hildebrandt, WLCJ International Vice President and Kehilah Co-Chair

This coming Sunday is Mother’s Day. A day when we honor the wild and wonderful women in our lives who have raised us and/or influenced us.  Not all of them are our mothers. Many of us have other women who have impacted our lives, be they aunt, grandmother, sister, cousin, or friend.

Regardless, these are the unsung heroes who have influenced our belief systems and instilled us with values. They taught us compassion, kindness, and generosity. They disciplined us when our behavior or words called for it. They educated us. They taught us manners. They read to us. They modeled how we should act.  They provided counsel when we were in need. Most of all, they loved us, despite our flaws.

In a perfect world, we would be able to celebrate with them their accomplishments – us! But some of them are no longer with us, and so it behooves us to remember them by telling their stories and keeping their memories fresh in our minds. 

There are many women I would like to thank for the influence they have had on my life. But for now, it is the impact that Doris Lydia Block Hildebrandt and Shirley Freedman Shiovitz had on my life that I would like to share. It is from them I draw whatever wisdom I have achieved and from them that I learned the values my husband and I have used as a model for our family. It is from them that I developed my understanding of the benefits of community that makes being Kehilah co-chair such a good fit for me. They were not perfect – I learned as much from their mistakes as from their successes. But I rely on their past counsel to this day. On one shoulder sits Doris and on the other perches Shirley.

Doris Hildebrandt and Shirley Shiovitz could not have come from more different worlds. What they shared was their independence, strong will, inflexibility, their opinions (of which I was typically the recipient), and their difficulty in compromising.

But the greatest gift my mother and mother-in-law gave me was the gift of family. Our families shared many holidays together. It could not have been easy in the beginning for either of them. They overcame their differences determined to develop a new family paradigm. Their family of three joined my family of seven. This sometimes extended to my brother-in-law’s parents and sister, who also joined us for occasions. While Doris and Shirley never became close friends, they became something better – allies. Their grandchildren grew up being part of a loving community that their grandparents modeled.

As the mother of three grown sons, two daughters-in-law, and three young grandchildren, I realize what a gift I have been given. I have been given the golden opportunity to pass it on. We know the families of both of our daughters-in-law. We have shared simchas, sorrows, and holidays with them. We have begun the process of creating our own allyship with them. 

Like all of you, I have many more stories to share. The stories are on the tip of my tongue and in the dexterity of my fingers as they dance across the keyboard to share them with you. I hope you will take advantage of this Mother’s Day to share your stories and keep alive the wild and wonderful women in your life. 

Create community! BE one of those wild and wonderful women!  Add to your own story! While you’re doing that – Happy Mother’s Day!

Shabbat Shalom,

Fran Hildebrandt
WLCJ International Vice President and Kehilah Co-Chair
fhildebrandt@wlcj.org

In loving memory of Doris Lydia Block Hildebrandt and Shirley Freedman Shiovitz. May their memories continue to be for a blessing.