On the Road to “L’Dor V’Dor” – A Joyous Jewish Journey, For Sure!

By Ellen Kaner Bresnick, Co-Chair of the WLCJ Kehilah Committee

In the whole spectrum of frequently-used sayings, I believe that “Wait till you become a grandparent! There is nothing better” is probably one of the most, if not the most, commonly used one. And why do people think that there is nothing better? That question calls for an easy answer. Grandparenting gives us new moments with playmates that we often view as both adorable and gifted, new chances to re-do with them what we think we might not have done so well the first time with their parents, and new opportunities to love “Jewishly” these very special little people who are related to us and of whom we are very proud.

One of my most significant memories as a grandparent occurred about twelve and a half years ago when I went to my daughter and son-in-law’s house. I eagerly rang the bell hoping to spend some playing-time with my four-year-old granddaughter Rylie and her baby brother Blake who was about six months old. When Sara came to the door, she held the baby in her arms. He took one look at me and flung out his little arms and—I really want to believe this—tried to say something that sounded vaguely like the word “Nana”. His eyes were bright and joyful, and he had a big smile on his face.  He definitely knew who I was and that he belonged to me and I, most certainly, belonged to him.

My excitement was evident as well, and as I reached for him, I realized at that moment that as much as I had loved him before that day simply because he was mine, he and I, in a second, had cultivated a new aspect of our relationship. He was my hope for the future, along with his older cousins and his sister (and later his younger brother). He, my fourth grandchild, had become my next opportunity for ensuring that Judaism, my Judaism as I knew it and loved it, would go on for these beautiful children. That was my responsibility L’Dor v’Dor—“From Generation to Generation”—to see that I did everything for the next generation that I could, despite the proliferating anti-Semitism and other often difficult anti-Jewish moments in our history and in our daily lives. It was so clear to me during that “aha!” moment that it was incumbent upon me and others from my generation to pass on many important teachings to our children and grandchildren and provide for them repeatedly numerous religious and spiritual opportunities for them to fully celebrate their Judaism. This is what others had done for me, and what I intended to do for them.

During our present time, it is often very difficult to relax enough within our Jewish lives so as to enjoy these  special moments—like the meaningful Seders we will participate in next week or the life-changing occasions like the bar mitzvah and bat mitzvah of our children and grandchildren when they attain their adult membership in our respective synagogue, day school, camp or JCC communities, or even at our Jewish weddings with beautiful  rituals and traditions like the chuppah and the communal yelling of “mazal tov” when the glass is broken. These are the moments in which we must joyfully engage and lead our little ones right along with us despite the vitriolic anti-Semitic demonstrations we see on the world-wide stage and even in our own backyards. The presence of naysayers who threaten our very existence, and the friends who inexplicably remain silent when we look to them for their support and their affirmation that they will always be there for us should not control our responses to our Judaism and our obligations to those in the next generations. As much as we are heartbroken about the horrors that occurred on October 7, 2023 and the accompanying anti-Semitism that caught so many of us by surprise, we cannot allow all of those moments of fear to prevent us from handing down to those who come after us and those whom we love with all of our hearts these precious Jewish life-affirming experiences. And at the same time, we cannot forget how those who came before us did the same for us, despite the hardships that they encountered. L’Dor V’Dor took care of us then, and now we must do the same for the next generations coming up in spite of every negative force surrounding us.

As I have now been at this grandparenting position for nineteen years, I am more and more sure that my role as a Jewish grandparent is to honor each of my five grandchildren by “feathering their Jewish nests” and by handing down to them the family stories of their relatives from so many generations ago who came to this country to achieve what they perceived of as their American Dream, one that was completely bound up in the quest for religious freedom. During these teachable moments of family storytelling, I have been and continue to be very mindful that I must extend the power of these inherited stories by including “props” with them. Thus, I have been working on giving some of my  precious mementos and prized Judaica that was handed down to me from my grandparents and parents to my grandchildren, with the promise of more to come. And with each of these great gifts comes great responsibility, I tell them. Hopefully, they and others like them will come to understand that this endeavor, on one level, is a literal translation of L’Dor v’Dor, but they also have to appreciate the spiritual power behind this commandment. I want them to comprehend that they too have the responsibility to pick up the mantle of their Judaism and hand it down, with all of its teachings from the Torah and the Talmud and every other important text that we study in whatever form they wish, to the generation that comes after theirs. They have to understand the intent behind the mitzvah of L’Dor v’Dor”— i.e. to ensure, to promise, to guarantee. When this is done, so we and they, all of us, will carry on and survive despite the forces that try to work against us.

Finally, as many of you know, I had a very difficult summer in 2023 and, physically, I almost did not make it to 2024. Thankfully I am still here. I always joke that only the good die young, so I have it made, but in truth what I have also said is that I have no intention of going anywhere, not that I have the power to control this. I will claw my way back as much as is necessary and as much as I can because I want to see all of the wonderful things my grandchildren are doing and will do with their Judaism. Right now, as I write this, my two granddaughters are planning to go to Israel—one next week and the other shortly after—in order to volunteer with other young Jews from around the world. Israel is as much a part of their DNA as it is for me, and they know that Israel needs them desperately to help in any way they can.

Additionally, it is all those plans, and events and those Jewish rites of passage in which they and their siblings and cousins participate that hopefully illustrate the fulfillment of  the mitzvah of “L’Dor v’Dor”, and I want to be there for these events—fully and completely. I want to learn about what my five are doing spiritually and religiously and how they are doing it. I want to dress up for these events, give tzedakah as needed, explain to them and teach them about everything that is beautiful and awe-inspiring about Judaism and do  whatever else I need to do to help them as together we fulfill the mitzvah of “L’Dor v’Dor”.

And, in truth, I have done all of those things recently, for this Shabbat, my grandson Blake will become a Bar Mitzvah. Yes, the same baby that greeted me so joyously long ago and cemented our Jewish connection from generation to generation, is ready to take his next Jewish step. And I am as proud of him as I was of his cousins Jordyn and Micah and his sister Rylie when they became bar mitzvah and bat mitzvah. And I will be equally proud of his younger brother Liam when it is his turn.  

So Blake—go do it. Your Nana loves you very much and is extremely proud of you for you are one of her five chances to get L’Dor v’Dor correct!  And in case I don’t tell you enough—yasher koach in advance!!

Shabbat Shalom, Everyone!

Ellen Kaner Bresnick
Co-Chair of the WLCJ Kehilah Committee
ebresnick@wlcj.org