“Make for yourself a teacher, acquire for yourself a friend.”

By Mindy Steinholz, WLCJ Finance Chair and MetroNorth Region Past President

When I became a Bat Mitzvah in the late 1970s (so late it was practically the 1980s), my family’s Conservative congregation was not yet egalitarian, though the Movement itself was in the midst of change. I don’t think any of the other Conservative congregations in our area were egalitarian at that time either. In fact, some were so traditional that girls were not even allowed to stand on the bimah for their Bat Mitzvah service. However, the girls in the local Reform congregations were called to the Torah at their Bat Mitzvah services. I also remember that none of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah children in either Movement, at any of the many services I attended, actually read from the Torah. Boys always had an aliyah; Reform girls did too. Many of us chanted a Haftarah (even some of us Friday night girls). 

Within the year, my congregation voted to become egalitarian. With that change, I began to be called to the Torah for an aliyah. I never took having an aliyah for granted but I also never thought about reading from the Torah myself. It was something that the rabbi or the cantor did. I did not connect this skill with something a layperson could do. Or could learn to do. 

Fast forward a couple of decades and I joined my current synagogue as an adult with a family. And I saw Bar/Bat Mitzvah children read Torah. I saw many parents read it too. I saw lay readers on other occasions. I attended Sisterhood Shabbat services and saw women older than me read Torah. When my daughter began to study for her Bat Mitzvah, I decided I would like to read Torah on that occasion as well, in her honor. Our synagogue Bat Mitzvah tutor, Alice Krochmal z’l, agreed to work with me. Then she kept working with me for Sisterhood Shabbat services and other occasions over the years, always listening when I said “give me a short one!” I also had the opportunity to read Torah at other Sisterhoods  during my term as MetroNorth Region President.

My rabbi, Dana Bogatz, has been teaching me Biblical Hebrew for years. She is endlessly patient when I mess up my vowels and other letters (which I do, often). She has worked with me so I have been able to read Torah for my nieces’ and my nephew’s Bat/Bar Mitzvah services, for Sisterhood Shabbat, on other Shabbatot, and even on Rosh Hashanah as well. This week, which is Parashah Terumah, I will be one of the Torah readers while she takes some well-deserved family time. As I began to work on this Shabbat message, I was still early in my preparation process. I doubt I will ever be able to just read on a moment’s notice – it usually takes me weeks and multiple resources to prepare.

When I do stand on the bimah and read from the Torah, I use the yad my parents gave me as a birthday gift several years ago. I am also equipped with the lessons from my friends and teachers Alice and Rabbi Dana, the examples of other women I have watched do the same, and the knowledge that the evolving egalitarian Conservative Movement has enabled me to do things I once thought I never would. My wish for you is the chance to do those things (whatever they may be) that you once thought you would never do.

In memory of Alice Krochmal, z’l
In honor of Rabbi Dana Bogatz

Shabbat Shalom,

Mindy Steinholz
WLCJ Finance Chair / MetroNorth Region Past President
msteinholz@wlcj.org